January 28th, 2010

On the way home from Target...

Anne:  I want chocolate chocolate.
Me: You want chocolate chocolate?
Anne: Yeah.  With chocolate.
Me: You want chocolate chocolate with chocolate syrup?
Anne: With chocolate cake, and brownies...
Me: And fudge?
Anne:  MMMmmm.... Why are there no dessert drive-thru places?
Me: You mean like Dairy Queen?
Anne: No, they just serve ice cream.  I mean a place that serves cake and cookies... and be open 24 hours for pregnant women.
Me: I'm sure there is a huge calling for that.
Anne: And they could deliver sushi...
(I look at her like she's insane)
Anne:  They would have the cakes/sushi market cornered!  I would never eat anywhere else.
Me: I guess it would give you all of your basic food groups except for fruit.
Anne: (Without missing a beat)  They would give you a strawberry with your chocolate cake.
Me: Oh.
Me: So you want a place that serves cakes through the drive-thru, and delivers sushi...What kind of beverages would they have?
Anne: Coffee.
Me: So you want Starbucks with more baked goods and sushi?
Anne: They would have to deliver... and not all the fancy coffees.
Me: Shouldn't pregnant women stay away from caffeine?
Anne: Decaf and half-caf.  You would only need black coffee with a decadent chocolate cake. Think about it, it could completely cater to pregnant women.  There are a lot of them around here!

Me: I don't think...

Anne: And inside they could hire moms and have toys so they could bring their children to work like that coffee shop in Portland!  And you wouldn't have to be pregnant, or a mom to go there, but it would be their target audience.  Kind of like when Disney comes out with the Emperor's New Groove, they don't expect your dad to buy it, but he did.

Me:  I have no idea how you end up bringing my dad into this conversation...

Anne: Haha!

Me: I'm going to tell him that you were telling me about a drive-thru bakery that delivers sushi, caters to pregnant women and moms and you thought of him.

Anne: Haha!

(About 5 minutes go by of silence)

Anne: All I was trying to say is that I want chocolate.

Me: Oh is that all.

Anne: Don't tell anyone about the idea though.  I don't want anyone to take it.

Don't worry Anne, I'm sure that nobody will take your idea... 

January 20th, 2010

Driving and talking about a couple that Anne and I know...

Anne: You know what though?  I'm glad I get to see him treat her badly.
Me: Why is that?!
Anne: Because it makes me realize how much more tolerable you are.
Me: Oh. Thanks.

My wife obviously thinks I'm awesome.  Can't you tell?  I'm tolerated.

January 14th, 2010

Anne and I had a bunch of errands to run today.  While on the way to one of them, Anne spotted a nice neighborhood of gorgeous houses.

Anne:  Will you buy me one of those houses?

Mike: How many?

Anne: Why do you always ask me that?  I only need one house to live in.

Mike: No.  This is a bad neighborhood.  Too many drugs and gang activities.

Anne: Yeah, it's practically 8 mile.

Mike: What do you mean practically?  It is 8 mile... with evergreens.

Anne: Evergreens don't grow on 8 mile, Mike... it's too polluted with drugs... the trees are too lazy to grow.

Thats why there weren't any trees there.... it all makes so much sense now...

January 12th, 2010

Today Anne was looking over the bank statement and realized that I spent a few dollars at Rite Aid on the same day that I bought the dreaded black licorice.

Anne: You went to Rite Aid?
Me: Yeah... that's where I got the black licorice.
Anne: YOU ACTUALLY PAID FOR THAT CRAP?!?!
Me: Yeah...
Anne: I poop everyday!  You could have just asked for it!

All right, Anne.  I get it.  You don't like black licorice.

Saturday January 9th, 2010

Outside of my work last night, Anne came to pick me up.  We are a one car family, so this is a regular thing.  When she arrives I'm not quite done working so I went outside to let her know, and to give her a kiss.  I put my head through the car window, kiss her, and....

Anne: Your breath stinks.  What did you eat?!
Me: Lasagna...
Anne: Well, it's not making your breath smell so good...
Me: ...and black licorice.
Anne: EWW!!! Who actually eats that stuff?!?!
Me: Black licorice is fantastic!
Anne: It tastes like poop rolled in dirt.
(I walk away to finish working, Anne makes a disgusted face at me)
Me: Make that face again
(She does)
Me: **Fist Pump**  YES!  I can't stay married to you if you can make a face like that, I GET TO GET A DIVORCE!!!
(Anne makes the face again)

Listen up wives.  If your husband has bad breath when he comes outside to do something sweet like giving you a kiss, just suck it up and don't tell him that whatever he ate tastes like poop rolled in dirt.  That's just rude.  I'll have everyone know that when I went back in I ate 2 more pieces of that tasty licorice.  I'm thinking about eating a garlic clove and onion salad for breakfast.  Let's see what she says today!

Conversations With Wife

The only subject that I thought that I would be able to motivate myself enough to keep an actual blog would be this.  Conversations that my wife and I have had.  Not that I think our conversations are more interesting than other people's conversations, it's that documenting the conversations leaves no room for forgetting.  I don't want to forget what was said after I watched my wife accidentally sign her name on our wedding certificate with her maiden name (I did forget), or how exactly I brought it to my wife's attention that our bouquets for our wedding looked like the mushrooms from the Super Mario games (I forgot that one too).  I won't bore you any longer with my banter, I'll just let the conversations do to the talking now.